Sunday, March 30, 2008

America's Finest at Work, Part IV

By now, most of you have probably heard of poor Mandi Hamlin, the 37-year-old who was forced by TSA employees in Lubbock, Texas to remove her nipple ring (with pliers) before she was allowed to board her flight.*

I certainly understand that people can be quite creative when it comes to improvising weapons. Which is exactly why the TSA should have let Ms. Hamlin's nipple ring stay in her nipple. Before she could begin to hammer her nipple ring out into a 1 or 2-inch knife, she would have had to remove it. The TSA of Lubbock, Texas actually aided and abetted a potential act of terrorism.

I know a lot of you probably sniggered at the CNN headline, "Nipple ring search procedures faulty, TSA admits" but it's the truth. I'm surprised any of those yahoos in the Lubbock Airport are still alive. Hamlin could have stabbed all the TSA guards with her nipple ring and then gone on a rampage with the pliers.

Clearly, if TSA employees are so stupid as to let potential terrorists remove potential weapons from their nipples, we have to be capable of ensuring our own safety. To better prepare you to recognize when a terrorist may be on the way to brandishing an improvised weapon, I leave you with this short short instructional video on nipple-ring removal.

Remember: only you can prevent terrorist attacks.


*In other news, there are people in Lubbock, Texas with nipple rings.

2 comments:

Michelle said...

The word nipple appears frequently in this post. I think you're going to be huge in Indonesia again in the next few days. Very funny stuff, though.

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